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It’s unanimous!

Posted: September 26, 2012 by sportinglife76 in Lifestyle, Zombie
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Every team hates the zombie scab refs! Packers fans REALLY hate the zombie scab refs! Hell, I’m a Seahawk fan and I hate the zombie scab refs. It makes no sense that so many people can hate something so much and yet continue to follow. It’s like a zombie parade.

Only a zombie would continue to obsess even when the game became fundamentally unjust. Both teams spent the second half of Monday Night Football getting screwed over by zombie scab refs, but instead of rejecting this broken product, fans of American football in general and of both teams in particular became more engrossed and enraged. That this crescendoed into the worst call/non-call in the history of sports (though not the most important) shouldn’t be surprising.

What does that make us?

Zombie referee

Some may argue that Goodell is hardly a zombie mastermind, but Monday Night’s game proves it. Somewhere, he is laughing his zombie master laugh.

If you say “park factors” to semi-knowledgeable baseball fans they may cite Coors Field in Denver and it’s thin air, which is glorious in the eyes of people like Dante Bichette and infamous in the eyes of Mike Hampton. They may also know that Petco Park in San Diego is a pitcher haven where washed up veterans go to be reborn. And they may even know that Safeco Field in Seattle is hitter unfriendly, so much so that it drove away Alex Rodriguez.

Well this year, Safeco Field is the worst park on hitters in all of baseball. And since this is a climate change blog, you have probably already guessed the reason. It turns out the freaky weather may be dragging down the already lousy offense of the Seattle Mariners. The mighty Dave Cameron has some thoughtful analysis over at FanGraphs:

Doubles and triples are down, but it’s home run rate that’s really getting destroyed in Seattle in the season’s first three months. The Mariners hit home runs at an 86% higher clip on the road than they do in Safeco, while opponents are at 89%. In other words, Safeco is cutting home run rates for all players nearly in half compared to what they’re posting away from Safeco.

This isn’t a park effect that’s turning home runs into doubles either, as the huge BABIP gap shows that a lot of these balls that would be home runs are actually getting run down for outs. From an observational standpoint, it appears that balls are hanging up long enough for outfielders to get under them, so while the dimensions serve to keep the ball in play, it’s been the marine air that has turned those balls into outs…

For the country, the NCDC reports April average was 3.6 degrees warmer than normal, with only California, Washington, and the upper midwest reporting declines from the hottest March on record. May brought significantly warmer temperatures to the rust belt and to California, however, while it actually got relatively colder in the Northwest — Washington and Oregon were the only two states to post below average temperatures in May.

Looking at the AccuWeather recorded temperatures for June show that Seattle was still relatively cold, especially compared to the rest of the country. While the east coast is being bathed in 100 degree temperatures this weekend, the high in Seattle yesterday was 72. For the first few weeks of the month, the high sat in the mid-50s to low-60s. The Marine air serves to keep Seattle fairly temperate even in a normal year, but 2012 has proven to be abnormally cool in Seattle, especially relative to the rest of the U.S.

We know that there is some relationship between temperature and offensive environment in baseball, though it’s not a one-for-one tradeoff between heat and runs scored. Humidity is also a factor, and we can’t simply say that Safeco is playing as an extreme pitcher’s park simply because of the weather patterns in the northwest this year. However, as this article notes, Seattle’s climate offers two essentially two types of days in the summer – cool and humid or hot and dry. Humidity is highest in Seattle when its cooler, but as it warms up, the temperature gets further from the dew point. The recipe for a baseball to fly a long ways is hot and humid air, but that just doesn’t exist in Seattle. It’s either (kinda) hot or humid, but almost never both.

We have pretty strong observational data that shows that Safeco is suppressing offense far more than it normally does this year, and it’s probably not a coincidence that Seattle is one of the few cities in the U.S. that hasn’t really gotten around to having summer yet.

Further indignity for a city already dealing with the zombified preeminence of its basketball team. Either this is divine punishment for living in a beautiful place, or life just isn’t fair.

In the last month, Miami has been the center of the zombie world in several respects. First, there was the infamous bath salt zombie attack. And last week, LeBron James and the Heat defeated the “Zombie Sonics” in one of the more memorable NBA Finals in recent memory. We’ve covered the first story sufficiently here at Zombielanche.com, but the second story deserves some more attention.

Clay Bennett: If he looks like a zombie and acts like a zombie…

For anyone who may have missed it, the evil billionaire coffee tycoon owner of the Seattle Sonics who had failed to effectively hold his city hostage for a publicly-funded basketball stadium got frustrated and sold the team to a couple of evil billionaires hailing from Oklahoma. These “men possessed” proceeded to continue the attempted hostage situation but really it was all a front for moving the franchise to Oklahoma City, a city with nothing else to do other than go to basketball games and prepare for a zombie apocalypse.

Four years later, a team birthed of evil billionaires, civic lies, and dashed hopes found its way into the NBA Finals. These Zombie Sonics were a bit different from the usual walking dead. Kevin Durant is tall and quick. Russell Westbrook is short (well, by NBA standards) and even quicker. These are not the zombies we’re talking about. But these folks are:

Which leaves me with one question: Have zombies ever attended the NBA Finals before? Hopefully we don’t have a Zombie Dynasty on our hands here. Although a Zombie Buffalo Bills type run would be kind of funny and well earned.

Dante narrates the 2012 Boston Marathon

Posted: April 16, 2012 by sportinglife76 in Climate change, Lifestyle
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If you are a runner, today is a hard day for denying climate change, thanks to near-record temperatures at the Boston Marathon. While history will have to ultimately weigh in on the name of today’s infamous contest, the 2012 edition will have a hard time topping the 1909 race, known as “The Inferno.” You just can’t beat Dante.

…new torments and new tormented souls I see around me wherever I move, and howsoever I turn, and wherever I gaze.

That’s about how I felt on my first marathon! Now double the temperature.

Really, Dante makes for perfect captions when depicting this year’s race.

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here…
                                         Canto III: The Gate of Hell

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Zombie poetry

Posted: April 7, 2012 by sportinglife76 in Zombie, Zombie poetry
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Some of you may not know that, in addition to covering zombie-related sports for Zombielanche.com, I also sideline as a poet. So I’m awfully proud of this haiku’s appearance in Zombiepoetry.com. I wrote it on Valentines Day:

Unconditional
Didn’t include zombie you
Should have stayed human

Jeremy Lin, Zombie Killer

Posted: February 20, 2012 by sportinglife76 in Lifestyle
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By now we are all swept up in Linsanity (25 points per game, 9.2 assists per game in the last 9 games). I had the distinct pleasure of being court-side for Jeremy Lin’s coming out party. The game had no real intrigue going into it, since the Knicks had been sucking and no one knew that Jeremy Lin was about to erupt and become a transcendent hero (which is probably how I ended up with a court-side seat). No one expected anything, especially because the Knicks were playing the Nets. The best part of the game going in was Kardashian bashing (which has now come full circle). But Jeremy spoke in class and won the game with this drive and shot:

What happened that night is akin to an unknown hero severing the head of a zombie antagonist. Knicks point guards have been mostly zombies for at least a decade, and even if Jeremy Lin’s prolific run only lasts a month, it is better than the Knicks have seen in years.

Witness the zombies that have inhabited the Knicks point guard position:

Walt Frazier, Michael Ray Robinson, Richie Guerin, and Mark Jackson can take solace: Jeremy Lin is fighting back the Knick Zombie Point Guards and doing it well.

Snow Report: Zombies in Steamboat Springs

Posted: February 12, 2012 by sportinglife76 in Lifestyle
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With flocks of snowboarders seeking the skate park or surf in pursuit of their usual winter adrenaline fix, it’s time to accept that something is amiss this winter. Unless you are a zombie, this is not hard to do for anyone visiting ski resorts in California, Colorado, Utah…and it’s easy to see if you look to unexpected victims like Bogus Basin, ID, which has lost an estimated $2 million with a record-late start of January 19.

I’m an avid skier, and since I live in the northeast I try to save some vacation time so I can get ski days (and hopefully powder days) out west. This year, of course, has been complicated by record bad years up and down the Rockies and throughout California.

Now anyone spending multiple days amid beautiful mountains (even if they are mostly snow barren) can’t ask for too much pity, and that’s not what this is about. This is about the no-snow winter afoot in 2011/2012, and how people are either dealing with it or denying it.

Right after New Year’s I visited Colorado and found strange things awaiting me. Vail’s famous Back Bowls were dirt and gravel, and there were places on the front side with the kind of ice you don’t normally see outside of the Northeast. In retrospect, I know see that my visit coincided with Vail commissioning snowdances from Southern Ute tribesman, which is apparently becoming a go-to-practice in this desperate winter.

After the disappointment at Vail we drove north in shirtsleeves, windows down, bound for Steamboat Springs. Nothing quite like a January springtime in the mountains.

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