In the last month, Miami has been the center of the zombie world in several respects. First, there was the infamous bath salt zombie attack. And last week, LeBron James and the Heat defeated the “Zombie Sonics” in one of the more memorable NBA Finals in recent memory. We’ve covered the first story sufficiently here at Zombielanche.com, but the second story deserves some more attention.
For anyone who may have missed it, the evil billionaire coffee tycoon owner of the Seattle Sonics who had failed to effectively hold his city hostage for a publicly-funded basketball stadium got frustrated and sold the team to a couple of evil billionaires hailing from Oklahoma. These “men possessed” proceeded to continue the attempted hostage situation but really it was all a front for moving the franchise to Oklahoma City, a city with nothing else to do other than go to basketball games and prepare for a zombie apocalypse.
Four years later, a team birthed of evil billionaires, civic lies, and dashed hopes found its way into the NBA Finals. These Zombie Sonics were a bit different from the usual walking dead. Kevin Durant is tall and quick. Russell Westbrook is short (well, by NBA standards) and even quicker. These are not the zombies we’re talking about. But these folks are:
- The Oklahoma City fan who wrote this “letter”/illiterate hate screed/hubris. Total brain-eater move to declare victory before a game is played.
- David Stern, for his zombie leadership. (Oh wait, there are TWO zombies named David Stern!)
- This Zombie CEO. What a dick.
- Clay Bennett. Even bigger dick.
Which leaves me with one question: Have zombies ever attended the NBA Finals before? Hopefully we don’t have a Zombie Dynasty on our hands here. Although a Zombie Buffalo Bills type run would be kind of funny and well earned.