Posts Tagged ‘Miami’

LeBron James fights off Zombie Clay Bennett

Posted: June 25, 2012 by sportinglife76 in Zombie
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In the last month, Miami has been the center of the zombie world in several respects. First, there was the infamous bath salt zombie attack. And last week, LeBron James and the Heat defeated the “Zombie Sonics” in one of the more memorable NBA Finals in recent memory. We’ve covered the first story sufficiently here at Zombielanche.com, but the second story deserves some more attention.

Clay Bennett: If he looks like a zombie and acts like a zombie…

For anyone who may have missed it, the evil billionaire coffee tycoon owner of the Seattle Sonics who had failed to effectively hold his city hostage for a publicly-funded basketball stadium got frustrated and sold the team to a couple of evil billionaires hailing from Oklahoma. These “men possessed” proceeded to continue the attempted hostage situation but really it was all a front for moving the franchise to Oklahoma City, a city with nothing else to do other than go to basketball games and prepare for a zombie apocalypse.

Four years later, a team birthed of evil billionaires, civic lies, and dashed hopes found its way into the NBA Finals. These Zombie Sonics were a bit different from the usual walking dead. Kevin Durant is tall and quick. Russell Westbrook is short (well, by NBA standards) and even quicker. These are not the zombies we’re talking about. But these folks are:

Which leaves me with one question: Have zombies ever attended the NBA Finals before? Hopefully we don’t have a Zombie Dynasty on our hands here. Although a Zombie Buffalo Bills type run would be kind of funny and well earned.

Inner demons, bath salt-induced and otherwise

Posted: June 4, 2012 by zombieprofessor in Zombie
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We at Zombielanche have been watching the Miami “zombie attack” incident unfold, waiting to comment. Before we say anything about the incident, we offer up the video account, the most factual and least sensationalized telling of this story.

Disturbing, no? Not hard to see why people are already jumping to a zombie explanation. We’re certainly interested in that possibility, but moreso in how this incident has provoked and/or revealed zombie thinking throughout our society.

Look at how many cars drove by this grizzly event? It takes eight minutes for anyone to slow down and take notice of the atrocity going on next to a major road. And it takes 18 minutes for the cops to get there (though it sounds like the 911 operator may have received a number of calls before the police arrived). Or maybe it’s just that no one really noticed until Rudy Eugene had stripped naked and begun to eat Ronald Poppo.

The emerging story about why this happened is probably more unnerving. The Miami police are blaming “bath salts”. Until about a week ago, most people who knew anything about bath salts were aware only of the bathroom variety. But it turns out designer drugs called “bath salts” are a growing public health concern. I’ll say: this designer drug makes you strip off your clothes and maybe even eat face.

Curious about bath salts? I was too (no not THAT curious). CNN tracked down someone who survived an overdose. The interview with a bath salt user who came back from an overdose speaks for itself, especially when the user describes bath salts as creating some kind of evil possession.

Looks like he just barely came back from the bath salt zombie craze. I do like this quote: “I didn’t want to eat anyone’s flesh.” Well it’s good that’s not universal.

The drug does seem to have a powerful effect on otherwise peaceful people. Rudy Eugene apparently was religious and had attended bible study two days prior. And as the Huffington Post demonstrates, there is a sad story and larger social warning behind all of this.

Of course many may miss the warning. Since it’s Miami, there has to be a tourist angle, right? You betcha. Apparently the site of this tragedy is already a tourist destination. You see there are many types of zombies.